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You are here: Home / news / When Your Parent Doesn’t Know He Has Dementia

When Your Parent Doesn’t Know He Has Dementia

May 1, 2018 by Andrea Hikel Leave a Comment

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It’s a common aspect of the disorder, but tough on caregivers

By Emily Gurnon for Next Avenue

Both of Kathy Kling’s parents, who are divorced, have Alzheimer’s. Kling recently talked with her mother, Karen Kelly, about her father’s disease. “Oh, I hope I never get it,” her mother replied.

She was diagnosed six years ago.

Kelly, 82, was a champion high school debater, an activist who spearheaded a Supreme Court victory for the disabled, and a Mensa member. Now, she lives in an assisted living community in Spearfish, S.D., frequently repeats herself and blames her memory problems on old age.

Angie O’Leary’s father-in-law, who was 81 when diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, insisted he was fine when family members told him he could no longer drive safely.  “I’ve got this,” he would say, according to O’Leary, a Minneapolis resident. “I’ve been driving for years!”

Not Realizing Having Dementia: A Common Occurrence

People with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia often don’t realize they have the illness, said Sandra Weintraub, a professor of psychiatry and neurology and the clinical core leader in the Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer’s Disease Center at Northwestern University. The medical term for the phenomenon is anosognosia.

“It’s not denial. It’s really a lack of awareness,” she said.

A healthy brain has networks that provide us with insight and awareness of reality. With dementia, those areas stop working well.

“Another mechanism might be that when you lose your short-term memory, you don’t remember that you can’t remember,” Weintraub said.

She recently had a patient who denied he was having any trouble paying his bills. His daughter pointed out that he’d paid one bill three times. She showed him the bank statement that backed her up. His response: “I don’t have any idea how that happened. The bank must have made a mistake.”

Difficulties for Caregivers

This lack of awareness can cause major stress and heartache for caregivers. Ruth Drew, director of information and support services at the Alzheimer’s Association, said she once talked with a daughter whose mother had given her a necklace she’d admired since she was a girl. The daughter wore it the next time she visited her mother — who suddenly accused her of stealing it.

“She didn’t remember giving it to [her daughter],” Drew said. “For that person, what they believe is completely real to them. What we have to learn is, there’s no reasoning with someone who is convinced of something like this. All our ways of communicating with each other… all that goes out the window.”

It’s important for caregivers to remember that their loved one is not intentionally denying the problem — the refusal to recognize dementia is a symptom, just like chest pain can be a symptom of a heart attack.

Trying Creative Approaches

Another family also struggled to cope when their father insisted he was still able to handle the finances. His dementia had made that impossible.

A social worker came up with a new approach, Drew said.

“She told him, ‘Mr. Smith, you have worked hard all your life. Let these kids carry some of the burden.’ And that made sense to him. She put him in the power seat.”

Learning more about Alzheimer’s and other dementias can help you cope, Drew said. Check the website of the Alzheimer’s Association for more information. Find a Brain Health tool kit on the website of the National Alliance for Caregiving.

© Next Avenue – 2018. All rights reserved.

 

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Filed Under: news Tagged With: aging, Aging in Place, Aging Well, Assisted Living, Bosque County, Care Giver, Caregiver, caregiver support, Clifton, Companion services, Continuum of Care, Dementia, Hospice, Independent Living, Lutheran Sunset Ministries, Nursing Home, Senior Health, Senior Living, Successful aging, Sunset Home, Sunset Lifestyle, Texas, Wellness

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Celebrating 65 years of ministry and service to the seniors of Clifton and Bosque County, Lutheran Sunset Ministries offers inspired retirement living options at every life stage. Our 32-acre campus is designed as an intimate setting of neighborhoods that accommodate residents at various levels of care. In addition to quality health and wellness opportunities, Lutheran Sunset Ministries provides an enriched lifestyle through innovative programs, interdisciplinary activities, and a focus on physical, intellectual, social and spiritual growth.

Providing the only full continuum of care available in Bosque County—including independent living, assisted living, long-term care, rehabilitation and therapy, memory support, hospice services and companion services—Lutheran Sunset Ministries is a cornerstone of the region. With a state-of-the-art healthcare building, an increase in services and amenities, and a rededication to providing services that allow people to live full and enriched lives, Lutheran Sunset Ministries has created a quality of life unparalleled in the region.

Call us at 254.675.8637 to learn more about becoming a resident at Lutheran Sunset Ministries.

 


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